DENISON'S ACTING PLAYS 

Partial List of Successful and Popular Plays. Laree Catalogue Free. 
Price 15c each. Postpaid, Unless Different Price Is Given 



DRAMAS, COMEDIES, 
ENTERTAINMENTS, Etc. 

M. F. 

Aaron Boggs, Freshman, 3 

acts, ly-z hrs (25c) 8 8 

Abbu San of Old Japan, 2 acts, 

2 hrs (25c) 15 

After the Game, 2 acts, 1^ 

hrs (25c) 1 9 

All a Mistake, 3 acts, 2 hrs. 

(25c) 4 4 

All on Account of Polly, 3 acts, 

214 hrs (25c) 6 10 

American Hustler, 4 acts, 2J/^ 

hrs (25c) 7 4 

As a Woman Thinketh, 3 acts, 

2y-z hrs :.(25c) 9 7 

At the End of the Rainbow, 3 

acts, 214 hrs (25c) 6 14 

Bank Cashier, 4 acts, 2 hrs. 

(25c) 8 4 

Black Heifer, 3 acts, 2 h. (25c) 9 3 
Boy Scout Hero, 2 acts, 1^ hrs. 

(25c) 17 

Brookdale Farm, 4 acts, 2^ 

hrs .(25c) 7 3 

Brother Josiah, 3 acts, 2 hrs. 

(25c) 7 4 

Burns Rebellion, 1 hr (25c) 8 5 

Busy Liar, 3 acts, 2y\ h. (25c) 7 4 
Civil Service, 3 acts, 214 hrs. 

(25c) 6 5 

College Town, 3 acts, 2^ 

hrs (25c) 9 8 

Danger Signal, 2 acts, 2 hrs.. 7 4 
Daughter of the . Desert, 4 

acts, 2^ hrs (25c) 6 4 

Deacon Dubbs, 3 acts, 21^ hrs. 

(25c) 5 5 

Deacon Entangled, 3 acts, 2 hrs. 

(25c) 6 4 

Down in Dixie, 4 acts, 2^/2 

hrs (25c) 8 4 

Dream That Came True, 3 

acts, 214 hrs. (25c) 6 13 

Editor-in-Chief, 1 hr....(25c) 10 
Enchanted Wood, l-M h.(35c).Optnl. 
Everyyouth, 3 acts, 1^ h. (25c) 7 6 
Face at the Window, 3 acts, 2 

hrs (25c) 4 4 

Fun on the Podunk Limited, 

11/2 hrs (25c) 9 14 

Heiress of Hoetown, 3 acts, 2 

hrs (25c) 8 4 

Her Honor, the Mayor, 3 acts, 

2 hrs. (25c) 3 5 

High School Freshman, 3 acts, 

2 hrs (25c) 12 

Honor of a Cowboy, 4 acts, 2^/^ 

hrs (25c) 13 4 

Indian Days, 1 hr (50c) 5 2 



M. F. 

In Plum Valley, 4 acts, 2^ 

hrs (25c) 6 4 

Iron Hand, 4 acts, 2 hrs..' (25c) 5 4 
Jayville Junction, li/^ hrs. (25c) 14 17 
Kicked Out of College, 3 acts, 

214 hrs (25c) 10 9 

Kingdom of Heart's Content, 3 

acts, 2^ hrs (25c) 6 12 

Laughing Cure, 2 acts, 1^ hrs. 

(25c) 4 5 

Lexington, 4 acts, 2^ h..(25c) 9 4 
Little Buckshot, 3 acts, 2^4 hrs. 

(25c) 7 4 

Lodge of Kye Tyes, 1 hr.(25c)13 
Man from Borneo, 3 acts, 2 

hrs ....(25c) 5 2 

Mirandy's Minstrels (25c) Optn!, 

Mrs. Tubbs of Shantytown, 3 

acts, 214 hrs (25c) 4 7 

New Woman, 3 acts 1 hr. . . . 3 6 
Old Maid's Club, \V2 hrs. (25c) 2 16 
Old Oaken Bucket, 4 acts, 2 

-hrs. (25c) 8 6 

Old School at liick'ry Holler, 

Wa hrs (25c)12 9 

On the Little Big Horn, 4 acts, 

21/2 hrs (25e)10 4 

Out in the Streets, 3 acts, 1 hr. 6 4 
Parlor Matches, 2 acts, 1^ hrs. 

(25c) 4 5 

Poor Married Man, 3 acts, 2 

hrs (25c) 4 4 

Prairie Rose, 4 acts, 2^^ h.(25c) 7 4 

Rummage Sale, 50 min 4 10 

Rustic Romeo, 2 acts, 2^ 

hrs (25c) 10 12 

Savageland, 2 acts, 2i^- hrs.(50G) 5 5 
School Ma'am, 4 acts, 1^ hrs. 6 5 
Scrap of Paper, 3 acts, 2 hrs. . 6 6 
Sewing for the Heathen, 40 min: 9 
Southern Cinderella, 3 acts, 2 

hrs. (25c) 7 

Star Bright, 3 acts, 2>^ h. C?5c) 6 5 
Teacher, Kin I Go Home? 2 

scenes, 35 min 7 3 

Those Dreadful Twins^ 3 acts, 

2 hrs. .; (25c) 6 4 

Thread of Destiny, 3 acts, 2^ 

Ijirs. (25c) 9 16 

Tonv, the Convict, 5 acts, 2^ 

hrs (25c) 7 4 

Town Marshal, 4 acts, 2V\ 

hrs (25c) 6 3 

Trial of Hearts, 4 acts, 2^4 hrs. 

(25c) 6 18 

Trip to Storyland, W^ hrs.(25c) 17 23 
Uncle Josh, 4 acts, 2^ hrs. (25c) 8 3 
Under Blue Skies, 4 acts, 2 

hrs (25c) 7 10 

Under the Laurels, 5 acts, 2 hrs. 6 4 
When the Circus Came to 

Town, 3 apts, 2J4 hrs. (25c) 5 3 



T.S.DENISON & COMPANY,PublishersJ54W. Randolph St., Chicago 



THEN GREEK MET GREEK 



A COMEDY 



LINDSEY BARBEE 

h 
AUTHOR OF 

"After the Game/' "All On a Summei^s Day," ''At the End of the 

Rainbow" ''By Way of the Secret Passage" "The Dream That 

Came True ""The Fifteenth of January /'"Her First Scoop/' 

"The Kingdom of Heart's Content/' "The Promise of 

Tomorrow/' "Sing a Song of Seniors/' "The Thread 

of Destiny/' "Tomorrow at Ten/' "A Trial of 

Hearts/' "When the Clock Strikes Twelve/' 

"The Whole Truth/' "In the College 

Days/' "Little Men and Women in 

Stageland" etc. 




CHICAGO 

T. S. DENISON & COMPANY 

Publishers 



^^'5C3^ 



Then Greek Met Greek 



CHARACTERS. 

Hera * Possessor of a Shield 

Hestia Of Conservative Tendencies 

Demeter Adorned with Poppies 

Athene Holding the Key to a Higher Life 

Poseidon Wielding a Trident 

Hermes A Messenger Boy 

Barbara A Mortal 

Apollo A Ladies' Man 

Artemis Goddess of the Crescent Moon 

Aphrodite With an Anchor 

Eros Armed with an Arrow 

Hebe ; Youngest of Olympians 

Note. — In the original production, all parts were taken by women. 
However, the characters of Poseidon, Hermes and Apollo may be 
assumed by men and those of Eros and Hebe by children or by those 
of small stature. 



Time — The Present. Early Fall. 



Place — Hera's living-room in the Olympus Apartment 

House. 



Time of Playing — About One Hour. 



COPYRIGHT, 1917, BY EBEN H. NORRIS.^ A^J^ 

D 46195 S6)< 



FEB 21 1917 



THEN GREEK MET GREEK 



STORY OF THE PLAY. 



Hestia, Demeter, Athene and Poseidon, met at the home 
of Hera, are disturbed by a telegram from Zeus, heralding 
the entrance of a mortal — Barbara — into Olympus. They 
decide to win over the newcomer to their own particular 
faction of Greeks as opposed to the combination of Artemis, 
Aphrodite, Apollo, Hebe and Eros, and while they appear 
to work in unison, each, hopes to use her own charms as a 
means of captivating the stranger. Barbara arrives and is 
borne away by her captors just as Artemis and Apollo 
appear on the scene. Aphrodite joins them and the three 
are taking counsel as to the best method of attracting Bar- 
bara when the conference is interrupted by the entrance 
of Eros and Hebe, each very noisy and very excited. From 
their disjointed story of a conversation which they have 
overheard, it is revealed that the enemy's plan is to seize 
the gold-tipped arrow of Eros and to shoot it at Barbara — 
since the victim of this particular arrow is always immedi- 
ately seized with an overmastering love for the one who 
inflicts the injury. Eros plans to gild his leaden arrow— 
which, has the opposite effect— so that the enemy may be 
deceived in the choice of weapons and thus put to rout, and 
he proceeds to hide the golden arrow among the pillows on 
the sofa. Barbara enters, in search of a handkerchief. 
Aphrodite and Artemis seize upon her. Apollo loses his 
heart to the fair stranger and contrives to wound the arm 
of the maiden with the fatal golden arrow which Eros has 
hidden. The inevitable happens. Barbara unhesitatingly 
follows Apollo, and when the two Greek factions meet in 
a stormy conflict of heated argument, a telegram tells them 
of the elopement. Like a calm upon the troubled waters 
come Hermes' words of advice, and in sudden shame of 
their petty wrangling, the Greeks clasp hands in promise of 
more peaceful days. 



THEN GREEK MET GREEK 



CHARACTERS AND COSTUMES. 

Hera — Middle-aged, querulous and emotional. Youth- 
fully dressed in modish, afternoon gown and wears her hair 
deeply and noticeably waved. 

Hestia — Middle-aged, prim, precise and proper. Wears 
plain tailor suit and hat and carries a large shopping bag. 

Demeter — Middle-aged, loquacious, opinionated and ar- 
gumentative. Wears gay gown of several colors and youth- 
ful hat, loaded with poppies. Carries boxes of breakfast 
food and several pamphlets. 

Athene^ — Highly intellectual, self-poised and dignified. 
Wears college cap and college gown over a white dress. Car- 
ries notebook and pencil. 

Poseidon — Genial and good-natured. Wears sailor suit 
or yachting costume. Carries a pitchfork. 

Hermes — Slangy and pert. Wears ordinary suit of a 
messenger boy. 

Barbara — Sweet and appealing. When she first enters 
she wears a traveling hat and coat, which she later removes, 
revealing a pretty afternoon dress. 

Apollo — Courteous, persuasive and fascinating. Wears 
fashionable afternoon suit. 

Artemis — Athletic in type, frank, unaffected and a trifle 
boyish. Wears a sporting suit of khaki and carries a gun. 

Aphrodite^ — Coy, coquettish, frivolous, gushing in man- 
ner. Wears elaborate afternoon hat and gown, extreme in 
style, and has a long, swinging pendant. Carries a string of 
jingling silver articles. 

Eros and Hebe — Talkative, precocious children. Eros 
wears a Russian blouse suit and bobbed hair. Hebe, a styl- 
ish child costume. Eros carries a quiver of arrows and 
Hebe a doll or a Teddy bear. 



THEN GREEK MET GREEK 



PROPERTIES. 



Three large arm chairs, sofa, hassock, desk and desk 
chair, stand with vase of flowers, push button, large table 
with lamp, books, papers, etc., pillows for sofa, curtains for 
windows, portieres for large door, pictures and rugs, speak- 
ing tube. Bird cage and shield for Hera. Shopping bag 
and dish towel for Hestia. Several boxes of breakfast food 
and several pamphlets for Demeter. Notebook and pencil 
for Athene. Trident (pitchfork) and money for Poseidon. 
Two telegrams for Hermes. Suitcase for Barbara. Gun 
for Artemis. Pendant, powder-puff and small mirror for 
Aphrodite. Quiver of arrows (one of them golden) for 
Eros. Doll or Teddy bear for Hebe. Bell for off stage. 



Scene Plot. 




'^^"^^y 1 Door I ^^^"^^y J^ 

^ /^Desk O stand D Chair \\\ 

f/j ^ Desk Chair Hassock a A_^ 

Chair D I Table | Sofa^N^ ^T 

STAGE DIRECTIONS. 

R. means right of stage; C, center; R.C., right center; 
L.J left; 1 E., first entrance; U. E,, upper entrance; R. 3 £., 
right entrance up stage, etc. The actor is supposed to be 
facing the audience. 



THEN GREEK MET GREEK 



Scene: Hera's living-room in the Olympus apartment 
house. Doorway C. in F., showing hall beyond and practical 
door down L. Window at L. U, E, and large window down 
R. Speaking tube, R. of C. in F. and push button L. of C. 
in F. Stand with flowers R. of C. in F, Desk with desk 
chair R. U. E. Large table at C. with large chair R. of 
table. Sofa with pillows down L. Large chair L. of C. in 
F. zvith hassock. Large chair R. 2 E. Lamp, books and 
papers for table. Furnishings for desk. Rugs, pictures, 
window curtains and portieres. Stage well lighted through- 
out the play, since it is afternoon. 

Curtain rises on clear stage. In a m^oment, enter Hera^ 
C. in F., carrying a cage containing an eagle. An eagle is 
not necessary if the cage has bars placed close together. 
Otherwise, any stuffed bird will answer the purpose. 

Hera. Plague take this old eagle! H Zeus thinks he 
needs a rest, why doesn't he take his bird with, him? An 
apartment h.ouse is no place for pets or for children. (Spite- 
fully.) I had to give up my peacock, I notice, and — (rais- 
ing window at L. U. E. and thrusting out the cage) out on 
the fire-escape you go. I suppose there will be complaints, 
but since Zeus is proprietor — (tvibe on wall R. of C. in F. 
sounds and she hurries to it). Yes? Oh, Hestia! Come 
right up. The door not open ? Then I'll touch the button. 
{Presses button L. of C. in F.) Meddlesome old maid! 
Why can't she stay at home instead of poking her nose into 
other people's affairs? {Walks around room, straightening 
chairs, rugs, etc.) She knows that Zeus is away and prob- 
ably will hint that he's found another chorus girl. {Wipes 
her eyes.) I suppose he has, but, goodness knows, I can't 
keep up with, his amours, and it's no reason that — {bell 
rings, Hera goes out C. in F., returning almost immediately 
fWith Hestia). Now, Hestia, isn't this too sweet ofyou! 

6 



fe 



THEN GREEK MET GREEK 7 

(Puts her arm through Hestia's.) I've been hoping that 
you'd take pity on me since Zeus is away — but of course 
you didn't know he was away, did you? (Gently conveys 
Hestia to sofa dozen L., zvhere they seat themselves.) 

Hestia {pr'unly). One of the Vestal Virgins saw him 
ofo off in the taxi — 

Hera. Hestia, it's none of my affair, but I feel that it 
isn't quite the proper thing for a guardian of the everlasting 
fire to be gazing out of the window. 

Hestia {insinuatingly) . At Zeus? I understand. 

Hera (emphatically) , At any man — even if given the op- 
portunity. 

Hestia. Which Zeus always oft'ers. 

Hera (with dignity). Hestia, we shall not discuss this 
matter any further. An old maid — 

Hestia (angrily). Remember, Hera, that one remains 
unmarried from choice, not from necessity. 

Hera. Not always. 

Hestia (suggestively). And a glance at the women who 
have married proves that almost anyone can enter the mat- 
rimonial state if she so desires. 

Hera. And if she doesn't enter it, there is no reason 
why she should interest herself in the affairs of those who 
have. 

Hestia (loftily). Matrimony is a subject to which I have 
given the closest study. 

Hera (sweetly). And which you have never been able 
to prove by experience. I see. Well, Hestia, the theoretical 
is far removed from the practical, and (leaning forward) 
you'll have all you can manage if you sit quietly by your 
fire of conservatism w^ith your six Vestal Virgins. 

Hestia (raising hand). Oh, Hera, don't, don't; for you 
touch upon a very poignant grief. I can no longer call it 
the fire of conservatism, nor can I glory in my six Vestal 
Virgins. Times have changed — exclusiveness has gone — 
and there are nineteen now, Hera — nineteen! (Weeps.) 

Hera (kneeling by her). Oh, Hestia ! What a blow it is to 
have one's life dream shattered! We all have our troubles, 



8 THEN GREEK MET GREEK 

I suppose, and a flirtatious husband — yes, Hestia, I will 
admit that Zeus is flirtatious — is a great trial. Often 
when I go through his pockets I find tokens of affection 
that — (hibe sounds, she jumps tip hastily and runs to it). 
Who? Oh, Tm afraid not. Orpheus has a perfect right to 
practice. It's his business. You knew that when you took 
the apartment. No, you cannot move out until the expira- 
tion of your lease. Well, you must see Zeus when he re- 
turns. I have no authority. {Comes back to Hestia and 
sits beside her.) Since Zeus turned Mount Olympus into 
an apartment house, life isn't worth living. Complaints all 
the time — about this — about that — about. Hephaestus. I do 
admit that Hephaestus isn't so good a janitor as he might 
be, for since he's in the family he does take liberties. {Leans 
fonvard.) But just think of Circe complaining about Or- 
pheus when she has bridge parties lasting until morning — 
not quiet ones, either. (Leans back.) Well, Zeus can settle 
it — he has a taking way with the ladies. 

Hestia. So I've noticed. (Looks around.) Aren't you 
afraid at night all by yourself ? 

Hera. Not a bit. Zeus left me the aegis and that's even 
more effective than a revolver. (Brings out kite-shaped 
shield from behind chair L. of C. in F. and displays it. 
Tube sounds; she hurries to it, setting shield against wall 
R. of C. in F.) Oh, you, Hephaestus! Who complains of 
being cold? Aphrodite! Well, if she'd wear enough clothes 
she'd be plenty warm. No, you need not make up any more 
fire. It's early fall and the coal must last until Zeus returns. 
Just keep hitting the pipes and she'll think the steam is 
coming on! (Turns from tube to window down R., raises 
shade and looks out.) There comes Demeter — and in such 
a hat ! (Hestia rises and joins Hera at window.) Poppies ! 
And a woman her age ! That hat would be young for Hebe. 

Hestia. Demeter always dresses too young. 

Hera. And such atrocious taste. Look at the mixture 
of colors on that gown. 

Hestia (whispering). Between you and me and the gate- 
post, Demeter has changed. If I do say it, Proserpina was 



THEN GREEK MET GREEK 9 

a well-brought-up child until that disgraceful elopement 
with Pluto. Since then Demeter doesn't seem to take the 
slightest interest in her, and they do say that Proserpina's 
housekeeping is dreadful. Breakfast dishes washed the 
next day — dirt swept under furniture — bakery food all the 
time. 

Hera {also whispering), Demeter was never any man- 
ager, so what can you expect of the child ? 

Enter Demeter C. in F. unseen by Hera and Hestia. 
She carries boxes of breakfast food and several pamphlets. 

Demeter. Good afternoon, both of you. (Hera and 
Hestia jump apart.) I found the lower door unlocked and 
came right up. (Shakes hands zuith both Hera and Hestia. 
Hestia crosses to L, of stage,) 

Hera. Unlocked! How careless of Hephaestus. Now 
every peddler and book agent in town will be coming in, and 
there'll be complaints. 

Hestia {sitting on sofa). What a love of a hat. {Deme- 
TER looks conscious.) 

Hera. And so becoming. You always have had such 
good taste in hats, Demeter. 

Hestia. In that gown you are Spring personified. Its 
glowing beauty and bright tints radiating from — 

Demeter {hastening to sofa and seating herself by Hes- 
tia). Speaking of spring, this is just the time you should 
be choosing proper diet. {Turns head.) Hera, how are 
you ofif for breakfast food? 

Hera {sitting in chair L. of C. in F.). I've told you so 
many times that Zeus doesn't care for breakfast food. It 
puts him in a terrible temper. 

Demeter {holding out box). Just try this one. (Hera 
shakes her head.) "Proserpina Pomegranates," made of 
clean, hard seed, skillfully roasted, including a bran coat 
which contains the Phosphate of Pluto, grown in the grain 
for building healthy brain and nerve tissue. {Holds out 
another box.) And here's one for all Greeks — Panhellenic 
Panacea, warranted to capacitate the incapacitated, to re- 
store nerve tissue, to bring back the glow of health and to 



10 THEN GREEK MET GREEK 

imbue one with the fresh vigor of amiability, harmony and 
good fellowship. None genuine without this sign. (Points 
to seal.) 

Hera (sighing). Demeter, I always feel limp after one 
of your tirades. I — 

Demeter (addressing Hera). IVe just been to a moth- 
er's rneeting; in fact, I conducted it. (Turns to Hestia.) 
Of course this won't interest you, Hestia, although they do 
say that old maids know more about the rearing of children 
than the parents themselves. 

Hestia (icily). After viewing the lamentable failures of 
some mothers, it is reasonable to suppose that almost any- 
one of average intelligence can improve upon the methods. 
(Turns back.) 

Hera (peevishly) . Now, if you two intend to quarrel, 
/ won't listen. I'm not interested in this subject anyway. 
My children raised themselves. 

Hestia. I should say they did. Look at that headstrong, 
unmanageable Athene. 

Hera (airily). Athene was no common child — she just 
grew. 

Demeter. Just grew, did sh.e? Hera, as I have always 
said, there was your chance to employ discipline — to use 
self-control. 

Hestia. Self-control, indeed! (Turns to Demeter.) 
Do you suppose that any mother who throws her own child 
out of the window — 

Hera (furiously) . How dare you ! That's just a trumped- 
up story of yours, Hestia. 

Hestia. I will have my say — for Hephaestus hasn't had 
a fair chance. Kicked out of his home, divorced by that 
minx Aphrodite, and finally made to serve as janitor. It's 
a shame, I say — a burning shame. 

Hera (rising). Am I to be insulted in my own home? 

Demeter. Calm yourself, Hera. These instances but 
serve as examples of the need of fully planned and organ- 
ized work for mothers. A little effort on your part, but— 



THEN GREEK MET GREEK 11 

(drawing out pamphlet) here, read my pamphlet on that 
very subject. Notice the seal — none genuine without it. 

Hera. I won't read your old pamphlet. I won't, I won't! 
(Walks to windozv down R.) 

Demeter (producing another pamphlet). Here is one 
upon the training of the boy. Hera, if ever a boy needed 
control, it's that Ares of yours. Four years at the Muses' 
Preparatory School, four years at the University of Par- 
nassus, and in what has he gained supremacy save — foot- 
ball. 

Hera (proudly). Made the team as a freshman; saved 
the day when he was a sophomore by a sixty-yard run; 
made a famous touchdown in his junior year, and now is 
captain of the Varsity team ! 

Demeter. You're as crazy as the rest of the women. 
Football ! (Scornfully, ) Football ! 

Enter Poseidon C. in F. with pitchfork, 

Demeter. The curse of the times. The — 

Poseidon (interrupting). Most unholy of sports. Can't 
compare with yachting. 

Demeter (sternly). Poseidon, how do you happen to be 
free at this time of day? 

Poseidon. Out to spot the people who happen to be irri- 
gating. It's allowed only in the morning and evening, you 
know. (Walks to chair R. of table and leans upon it.) 

Hera. What's the matter with your old water company, 
anyway? Couldn't even wash my teeth this morning. 

Demeter. And why did you say the water would be 
turned off ? We filled the tubs and pitchers and vases and — 

Hestia (interrupting) . It wasn't turned off at all. Now 
we're afraid to throw it out lest we need it. Why, we can't 
even take our baths. 

Poseidon. Now, be still, you women. You don't under- 
stand the franchise, and — 

Hera (fretfully). Poseidon, why are you carrying that 
pitchfork ? 

Poseidon, Couldn't find my trident. Half the people 
don't know the difference, anyway. 



12 THEN GREEK MET GREEK 

Enter Athene, C. in F, 

Poseidon. Hi, there, Ath. How's the lecturer on woman's 
rights ? 

Athene (ignoring him as she walks to Hera). After- 
noon, mater. (Nods carelessly to the others.) And the 
rest of you. Just heard that the governor's away, so I cut 
a lecture and came over to ask if you wished me to stay 
with you. 

Hera (gratefully). I'm not a bit afraid; but it's lovely 
of you to think of me at all. 

Demeter (sharply) . Think of you! Why shouldn't she? 
Her place is here. 

Hestia (primly). In my day young women didn't go 
off to themselves in bachelor quarters. It wasn't considered 
quite nice. 

Athene (striding to R. 2 E.). Times have changed since 
then — fortunately. Woman has awakened to the fact that 
her position has been wholly primitive. She has gained the 
moral freedom that long ago should have been hers. She has 
learned to think, to judge and to act for herself. 

Poseidon. Good gracious! If you keep on talking this 
rot, you'll never get married. 

Athene (scornfully). Married — married.^ Why should 
I desire anything so infinitesimal as marriage v>^hen I hold 
the key to the land of poetry, of art and of achievement? 

Poseidon (disgustedly). Stuff and nonsense ! You must 
learn that woman in her place — 

Athene (dramatically) . Her place, indeed! At best she 
is a plaything, at worst a drudge. Man works with other 
men. His mind is continually sharpened and developed by 
contact. He is monarch of all he surveys. (Ironically.) 
But woman ! She is queen of the cookstove. "Beyond the 
Alps lies Italy," you say to me. I answer you, ''Beyond the 
altar lies the washtub!" 

Enter Hermes, C. in F. 
Hermes. What's the row? I've been ringing your old 
bell, blowing your old tube, and (handing out a telegram) 
here's something from the boss. 



THEN GREEK MET GREEK 13 

Hera {sharply). How do you know? 

Hermes. Read it, of course. Wot you take nie for? 
Delphic oracle? (Hera reaches for telegram, but Hermes 
holds it out of reach.) Nay nay ; ten cents delivery. {Leans 
against doorzvay.) 

Hera. Such a nuisance. And I never have the money 
handy. {Searches in desk.) Poseidon, you'll have to lend 
me some until — (Poseidon joins Hermes and pays him.) 

Hestia. Why didn't Zeus send a night message? Pie 
could have used so many more words. 

Hermes. Pshaw ! Words ain't needed in this family. 
(Hera rushes to Hermes and snatches the telegram, zvhich 
she examines closely as she walks slowly down the stage.) 

Hera {sternly). Look here, boy; this message was re- 
ceived four hours ago. {Seats herself in chair R. of table.) 

Hermes. Sure! Didn't expect me to give up a movie, 
a wrestling match and a game of marbles for just a tele- 
gram, did you? 

Demeter. Here, Hestia, you see exemplified the craze 
of the modern youth for amusement — for vulgar excitement. 

Hermes. Oh, say, wot yer givin' us? Them movies 
showed Ares in his sixty-yard run. (Hera shrieks and 
drops the telegram. Athene and Demeter rush to her 
assistance. Hestia catches the telegram, stands L. of table 
and reads it. Hermes moves down R. and stands by zvin- 
dozv. Poseidon takes flozvers from vase and hurries with 
water to revive her.) 

Athene {catching paper from table and fanning Hera). 
See here, mater; calm yourself . (Poseidon sprinkles water 
on Hera.) 

Hera {reviving). Don't Poseidon; don't. You'll get all 
the Medusa wave out of my hair. (Poseidon takes z^ase 
back to table and crosses to L., seating himself on the sofa, 
Athene stands back of Hera's chair, Demeter to the right 
of it.) 

Hestia {to herself). Now what on earth can Zeus mean? 

Hera {rising and snatching telegram). How dare you 
read my telegram, you — you cat! 



14 THEN GREEK MET GREEK 

Athene (stamping her foot). Give it to me. (Hestia 
hands telegram to her. Athene reads first to herself and 
then aloud.) "Barbara, a mortal, has been given entrance 
to Olympus." 

Hera {weeping and sinking in chair again). It's another 
affinity. I know it — I feel it. 

Athene {continuing). ''When Greek meets Greek'' — 
why, that's all. {Reads it again.) ''Barbara, a mortal, has 
been given entrance to Olympus. When Greek meets 
Greek." {Hands telegram to Demeter.) 

Hestia {returning to sofa). I cannot understand that 
last phrase. Zeus always was enigmatical. 

Poseidon. Family conditions force him to be, I'm 
thinking. 

Hera. Enigmatical? Well, if you had seen some of the 
notes I've seen. {Hysterically.) Oh, I won't have the 
creature. I won't! 

Poseidon. Oh, come now. It's dead stupid, and another 
girl won't be half bad. 77/ take her off your hands. 

Demeter- {pondering over telegram). "When Greek 
meets Greek" — "Barbara" — that means barbarian. I can't 
see — 

Hermes. Oh, can't you! {All turn.) Ever heard the 
last of that spiel? "Then comes the tug of war." If that 
don't sink through, just remember the apple of discord. 

Athene {tossing head). Disgusting boy! You are a 
menace to all peace and harmony. 

Hermes {laughing). Peace? Harmony? Nothin' like 
that in our family. So-long. {Exit C. in F.) 

Athene {after a pause). Well, what's to be done? 

Hera {hysterically) . I won't have her. Impudent hussy ! 
Insolent interloper! I'll scratch out her eyes. I'll pull out 
her hair. 

Poseidon {chuckling) . Pull it off. That will be easier. 

Hera. Fll— 

Athene {interrupting). Listen to we.' {All turn.) Now 
is our opportunity for a glorious work. A stranger — a bar- 
barian — enters our classic precincts with mind unformed. 



THKX GREEK MET GREEK 15 

with character undeveloped. It lies with us to put her feet 
upon the solid rock; to lead her to the higher life — we four 
who represent the best and greatest in immortal life. 

Demeter. That's all very well to talk about, but what 
will you do with that hoyden Artemis and that simpering 
flirt, Aphrodite? 

Athene {scornfully). Is the conservatism of Hestia, 
the leadership of Demeter, the supremacy of Hera — 

Poseidon {rising and gallantly bowing). And the wis- 
dom of Athene. 

Athene {acknoidcdging the compliment). To be out- 
weighed by the pranks of a mad tomboy and the foolish 
flirtations of a doll-faced nonentity? Shall we, together, 
win her for the heights ? Shall we, together, bend our ener- 
gies in behalf of her enlightenment? 

All {fervently). We shall. 

Hera. Let her come. I shall welcome her. \ Aside.) 
Incidentally Til win her over and outwit Zeus. 

Hestia. I shall teach her the value of conservatism. 
{Aside.) I shouldn't wonder if she'd take to me, anyway. 

Demeter {walking to chair R. 2 E.). This is a good 
opportunity to put into practice my various theories. 
{Aside.) I'm glad I have this becoming hat. It will surely 
make an impression. {Sits.) 

Athene. My key will open to her the enchanted land. 
{Aside as she walks to window.) I wonder if they think 
they have the slightest chance with her. {Reaches window 
and speaks impressively.) Listen to me. {All give atten- 
tion.) Here is our campaign. {Jots in notebook.) Hera, 
you are to have her for bridge; then, tomorrow night, 
Demeter — 

Demeter {interrnpting.) But I'm lecturing at Parnassus. 

Athene. So much the better. Take her along. Have 
you anything for Monday afternoon, Hestia? 

Hestia. I'm chaperoning the Vestal Virgins to a matinee. 

Athene. One more won't make any difiference. And 
you, Poseidon, must help us out, for Apollo will be sure 
to rush for the others. 



16 THEN GREEK MET GREEK . 

Poseidon. Sure Til help. (Aside.) And if she looks 
good to you, old man, put in your best licks for yourself. 

Athene. Then it's all arranged, and if she must be- 
come a Greek she'll side with us. 

Enter Barbara, C, in F. She looks timidly around, 
coughs. Poseidon springs forward and takes her suitcase. 
Hera turns, rises and hurries to her, followed hy Hestia. 
Demeter rises and stands hy Athene. 

Hera {in surprise) , It's Barbara, isn't it? How dread- 
ful to let you arrive with nobody to meet you. But we've 
just received the news of your coming and its lovely to 
have you here, and — (Hestia pushes forward) allow me 
to present Hestia to you. (Hestia shakes hands,) Hestia, 
the paragon. {Aside.) How I hate to say it. {Gently 
guides Barbara to Athene and Demeter, followed by 
Poseidon.) And Demeter, our noted lecturer. {Aside.) 
Oh, that hat! {Lays hand on Athene's shoulder.) And 
my daughter, Athene, though, people do say that we look 
more like sisters. (Athene and Demeter shake hands. 
Poseidon pushes forward.) And Poseidon, who has the 
most charming yacht in commission. {Aside to Poseidon.) 
Take that old trident out of the way. It almost tripped me, 

Demeter. Tomorrow night I am talking informally a: 
Parnassus. I'd be so glad to have you enjoy it, too. 

Barbara. Why — thank you. 

Hestia. And have you seen the Muses in their great 
play, ''The Furies?" (Barbara shakes head.) No? Then 
won't you go with me? 

Barbara {clasping hands) . Oh-h! 

Hera. Come, have a game of bridge with me first and 
then we can all go on together. 

Barbara. How splendid! 

Poseidon. Can't you go out in my yacht on Tuesday? 
You really ought to see the Island of Delos — and — 

Barbara. How wonderful you all are to me ! 

Hera {protestingly) . My dear — my dear — 

Barbara. And you seem just like other people. 

Athene. We try to be. {Takes Barbara's other arm.) 



THEN GREEK MET GREEK 17 

Come, take off your things, and we'll have nectar together. 
(All walks slozvly to door at L.) And we hope you'll make 
yourself perfectly at home. (All exeunt L., talking busily 
as Artemis enters, follo'wed by Apollo.) 

Artemis (coming down C). There she is, Polly! There 
she is! And with that crowd of old snoopers. (Perches 
on arm of chair R. of table,) Something must be done and 
right away. 

Apollo (sauntering slozvly to R.2 E.). Leave her to me. 
I've never yet seen the woman I couldn't manage. (Seats 
himself,) 

Artemis. Poll, you're a brick. You know, it would be 
a shame for that nice child to get into the wrong crowd. 
Why, her choice of Greeks is the most important step she'll 
ever take. 

Apollo. Quite so. (After a pause,) Who will help 
you out on this deal? 

Artemis. Aphrodite, of course. She's a bit dippy about 
the men, but she's a dandy rusher. Then there's Eros — 
he's on our side — and Hebe. Of course, Hebe's young, but 
she's very enthusiastic. 

Apollo. How did you learn of this girl? 

Artemis. Bribed Hermes to tell me about the telegram 
and then — I saw her. Poll, she's a peach, 

Apollo. But see here, Sis, Zeus has sent fair maids to 
Olympus before — and they failed to get in. That tall 
blonde, for instance — 

Artemis. Too sloppy. One game of tennis would have 
wrecked her. 

Apollo. The brunette? 

Artemis. Drove a last year's model. (Apollo professes 
horror,) Oh, yes, she did. 

Apollo. Why didn't the intellectual prodigy pass muster? 

Artemis. Too many brains. Didn't feel at home with 
her. 

Apollo. And I could never understand why you people 
didn't care for the girl with the dimples. 

Artemis. Grinned too much — got on our nerves. If she 



18 THEN GREEK MET GREEK 

had entered Olympus I should have resigned the goddess- 
ship of the crescent moon. 

Aphrodite {ojf stage). You foohsh boy! Don't you 
dare to flatter me that way! Of course I'll be home and — 

Artemis {rising). There's Aphie now. I didn't expect 
her for hours. 

Enter Aphrodite^ C. in F, 

Aphrodite {coming down C. to Artemis). Who do you 
suppose brought me here? Phaeton. He's just bought a 
new car and {turning), Apollo, he says it beats your chariot 
all to pieces. 

Artemis. What an idiot! I shouldn't think he'd even 
attempt a second joy ride after that first failure. 

Aphrodite. Really, I must talk kindly but firmly to 
Phaeton. {Coquettishly.) He's becoming a bit too devoted. 
Oh, I know the signs. My experience with men has made 
me wise beyond my years. 

Apollo {rising and strolling to Artemis and Aphro- 
dite). Don't be too hard on yourself, Aph. I shouldn't 
count the years if I were you. {Catching the chain that 
dangles from^ her neck.) Relieve my curiosity and tell me 
why you wear that curious sort of a pendant. 

Aphrodite. Oh, thafs my anchor — symbolical of my 
rising from the foam of the sea. I wear it just as others 
wear birthstones. 

Apollo. I thought that its purpose, perhaps, was to 
anchor the men. 

Aphrodite {szveetly). They don't need to be anchored. 
I've never had the least trouble. On the other hand, it's 
often been my sad duty to cut the cable. {Reflectively.) 
Now, Hephaestus was of one temperament and Paris was of 
another. 

Artemis. We haven't time to talk of your husbands, 
Aph. They'll keep. 

Aphrodite. Not always. 

Artemis {shaking her). Listen. Athene and her crowd 
have seized upon the new arrival. She's a peach, Aph — a 
peach — and they probably have all her dates. 



THEN GREEK MET GREEK 19 

Apollo. A date with a peach ! That sounds better than 
nectar and ambrosia. 

Aphrodite. Don't be silly, Apollo. This is no time for 
foolish prattle. If you think we're going to let those old 
hens walk off with that adorable child, you're wrong. It's 
down with their platitudes and up with our fascinations ! 

Apollo {yazvning) . The same old story. This rushing of 
newcomers is pretty strenuous for the looker-on. {Crosses 
to L, and lounges on sofa.) 

Aphrodite. Strenuous for the looker-on! What effect 
do you think it has upon usf 

Artemis {to Apollo). What do you know of sleepless 
nights ? 

Aphrodite {to Apollo). Or nerve-racked days? You 
don't have to make any impression. 

Apollo {lazily). I can do that without half trying. 

Enter Eros and Hebe^ C in F., running. 

Hebe. I've something to tell — 

Eros {pushing her aside). No, I'll tell it! 

Hebe. You won't tell it ! I heard it first — 

Eros. But I'm a man — 

Hebe. And I'm a woman — 

Eros. Anyway, I'll tell it first — 

Hebe {catching Artemis around the knees). Anyway, 
I heard it first ! 

Eros. You didn't. 

Hebe. I did! 

Apollo. Be still, you imps ! 

Eros {catching Aphrodite around the knees). Say, 
mother — 

Aphrodite {fretfidly). Eros, how often have I told you 
not to call me mother except when absolutely necessary. 
You're growing too fast, and it reflects upon my age. 

Eros. Well, I am your son. 

Aphrodite. Certainly. But as I said before, there is no 
necessity for making it public, for you are almost too large 
for Russian suits and bobbed hair. 

Hebe {impatiently). We were playing with Psyche — 



20 THEN GREEK MET GREEK 

Aphrodite {shaking Eros). Eros, how often have I for- 
bidden you to play with that Httle girl Psyche — 

Hebe. And two ladies came along— 

Artemis {pushing Hebe aside). Really, you kids must 
hike. We can't listen now, for we've something important. 

Eros. And the ladies were Athene and Hestia — 

Aphrodite {eagerly). Yes? 

Hebe. And they were talking about somebody named 
Barbara — 

Aphrodite and Artemis. Barbara! (Apollo sits up- 
right.) 

Hebe {whirling about). Now you're interested, aren't 
you? 

Eros {dancing about). What'll you give us to go on 
with the story? 

Aphrodite {sternly). You know very well what I'll give 
you if you don't go on with the story. 

Hebe. That isn't fair. 

Artemis {catching Hebe). Tell us at once, or I'll throw 
you to Cerberus this very minute. 

Hebe {struggling). Ouch! Let go, Artie; I'll tell — hon- 
est, I will. (Artemis releases her.) 

Eros. We wouldn't have listened, only we heard some- 
thing about my arrows. 

Hebe. ''We'll use Eros' arrows." That's what they said. 

Eros. Do you remember, mother — {putting his hand 
over his mouth) oh, I didn't mean to say it. 

Aphrodite {graciously). Well? 

Eros. Do you remember hurting yourself with my gold- 
tipped arrow? It made you fall in love with — 

Aphrodite {sharply interrupting) . Never mind person- 
alities. Go on with, the story. 

Eros. Well, they were going to steal that arrow — 

Hebe. Were going to steal that arrow ! 

Eros. And shoot it at the girl, Barbara — 

Hebe. Shoot it at the girl, Barbara. 

Artemis. Shoot it? 

Aphrodite. Don't you know that the one who is wounded 



TllEX GREl^v Mirr GRKi^lv 21 

1)y the golden arrow is immediately seized with an overmas- 
tering love for the one who inflicts the injury? 

Artemis {perching on arm of chair R, of table). Still I 
don't get you. Not one of them would be willing to let the 
other win out. 

Hebe. That was easy. Hera was to hold the bow, Po- 
seidon was to take the arrow and hand it to Demeter, who 
was to place it in the bow. Hestia was to steady the bow 
and Athene was to shoot. 

Eros. So you see, if they hit her, she'd love each one 
just the same. 

Aphrodite. How diabolically disgusting! They never 
would have carried it out. 

Artemis. Never. They're too jealous of each other. 

Apollo {chuckling). Pretty cute idea, just the same. 

Artemis {with dignity). Pardon me, Polly, but I see 
nothing cute about it. 

Aphrodite. One thing is certain. They'll never have a 
chance to get the arrow. 

Eros. Oh, yes, they will ; I'll give it to them. 

Hebe. He'll give it to them. 

Hebe and Eros seize hands and circle around. 

Aphrodite. Eros, Pve been very patient with you since 
you reached this smart-alecky age. I suppose you had to 
have it just as you've had to have measles and mumps. But 
there's a limit to human endurance {catches Eros), and 
you're not to leave any arrow where they can:^et it — do yon 
understand f 

Eros. Sorry, but I've got to do it. 

Hebe. He's got to do it. 

Aphrodite {leading Eros tozvard C. in F.). You'll ex- 
cuse us, I know. There are times when Eros needs a strong 
rein. 

Apollo {reclining again). Better try a strong strap. It's 
more effective. 

Hebe {pidling Aphrodite's skirts). Don't you dare to 
spank Eros. He doesn't mean what you think he does. 



22 THEN GREEK MET GREEK 

Eros (as Aphrodite boxes his ears). Stop that. You 
can't even take a joke. I'll give them my arrow with the 
leaden top — nozv! 

Hebe (sticking out her tongue). With the leaden top — 
now! 

Apollo (sarcastically) . Which.^ I presume, has the oppo- 
site effect upon the victim. 

Eros. You ought to know, Apollo. I used it upon that 
girl, Daphne, you were so dippy about. 

Artemis. But how will you get the leaden arrow to 
them when they're after the golden one? 

Eros. Gild it over. They'll never know the difference. 

Artemis (rising and slapping Eros on shoulder). Bully 
for you, Eros. 

Aphrodite (embracing ^ros) . My darling son. Mother 
might have known that you would find a way to thwart the 
enemy. You shall play with my golden apple, just for 
thinking of that splendid scheme. 

Eros (wriggling away). Oh, don't be sentimental, ma. 
Let me go. Anyway, I'm doing it for myself. 

Hebe. Doing it for himself! 

Eros. I like that girl and I think I'll get her. 

Hebe (taking Eros" hand). Come, hide the gold arrow 
so they can't find it, and then we'll take the ugly one and 
make it all shiny. (Together they hide the gold arrozv 
among the sofa cushions.) 

Barbara enters L., hesitates], then coughs gently. All 
turn quickly and Apollo rises hastily. 

Barbara. I'm very sorry to disturb you, but I'm look- 
ing for my handkerchief. I think I must have dropped it 
here. 

Aphrodite (gushingly). Now, isn't this fortunate! 
(Rushes to her, followed by Artemis. Eros and Hebe 
climb on chair R. of table.) I saw you last at Parnassus 
Prom, didn't I? Of course you don't remember me. I was 
only a chaperon — and nobody ever notices a chaperon. 
Dear me ! Didn't Ares have ten dances with you that night ? 
(Turns to Artemis.) You know, Artemis, don't you? 



THEN GREEK MET GREEK 23 

(Barbara shakes head.) Of course, youVe heard of her. 
Holds the golf and tennis championships and swims better 
than Poseidon. Best all round sport in the country. 

Artemis (shaking hands vigorously). And tickled to 
death to meet you. Can't you go for a dip tomorrow ? Then 
breakfast at the club. 

Barbara. Fd better not promise, Tm afraid. 

Artemis. Oh, yes ; you must. Then we'll take in the 
tennis tournament and the golf meet and — (with a sudden 
inspiration) I have it. We'll plan a hunt in your honor. 

Barbara. Oh, but I'm not a bit athletic. 

Artemis. Then I'll teach you. We'll be great pals, you 
and I. Shake again. (Shakes hand.) 

Apollo (coming forward). Isn't it about time to intro- 
duce me ? 

Artemis. I'd forgotten you, Poll. This is my brother, 
Apollo. He's really very nice. (Apollo takes Barbara's 
hand and holds it until she pidls it azvay.) 

Barbara (shyly). I'm — I'm sure of it. 

Apollo (aside). That girl can have me. Where did Eros 
hide the golden arrow ? 

Barbara (catching sight of Eros and Hebe). Oh, what 
darling children. (Goes to them, leaving Artemis, Aphro- 
dite and Apollo at L. of stage.) 

Hebe. I thought you'd like us. (Pulls Barbara on chair 
between them.) 

Eros. And you may have my golden arrow if you wish. 

Barbara. Oh, how sweet of you. And may I play with 
you? 

Aphrodite (crossing to L. of chair). It's really too good 
of you, Barbara, to humor the children. 

Barbara. But I want to play with them. 

Aphrodite. And you certainly shall. They will appre- 
ciate it. But right now they have some little duties to per- 
form. 

Eros. We haven't either. You just want to get rid of us. 

Hebe. Rid of us ! 



24 THEN GRREK MET GREEK 

Aphrodite (cooingly). Children, children. Don't let its 
have a scene. Go quietly — and — 

Eros. I won't go ! 

Hebe. I zvon't go ! 

Aphrodite (turning to Apollo). Then we must ask 
Apollo to take you away. 

Apollo. This is an unexpected pleasure. Suppose 
Apollo doesn't wish the job. 

Artemis. Oh, Polly, you will. (Aside.) You promised 
to help us. You know you did. 

Apollo. I'll do it — on one condition. (To Barbara.) 
That you'll let me come back in a little while. 

Barbara (shyly). If — if you really want to come. 

Apollo. Well, I really want to come. (Comes to back 
of chair J seizes a hand of each child.) Move on, you Heav- 
enly Twins ! (Exeunt Apollo, C. in F., with Eros and 
Hebe^ struggling.) 

Aphrodite. I'm sorry to have this vulgar little exhibi- 
tion of discipline, but growing children, you know. (Sits 
on arm of chair.) 

Barbara. I suppose it is necessary ; but they are sa 
dear. 

Artemis (anxiously). Are you quite comfortable? Let 
me get you a footstool. (Runs to hassock L. of C. in F, 
and places it at Barbara^s feet.) And a pillow. (Takes 
pillow from sofa and places it hack of Barbara. Sits on 
other arm of chair.) 

Aphrodite. Have you been enjoying yourself? 

Barbara. Oh, so much. But I feel so insignificant and 
so stupid beside such wonderful people as Hera, Hestia, 
Demeter and Athene. 

Aphrodite. Intellectuality isn't everything, my dear. It's 
personality that counts. Now Artemis and I are not a bit 
clever, but we are — individual — I think. 

Barbara (clasping a hand of each). Oh, you're lovely — ■ 
both of you — and I'm so happy to be with you. 

Artemis (rashly). I knew you'd be. I feel that this is 
your place — with us. 



THEN GREEK MET GREEK 25 

Barbara. But I like the others, too. It's such an edu- 
cation to be thrown with them. 

Artemis. Yes, they are — well meaning. 

Aphrodite. And they do know — some things — but— 
{hesitates) , 

Barbara. But — zvhatf 

Aphrodite. Did I say btitF How ridiculous of me. I 
didn't mean it; so forget it. Isn't it strange, though, how 
difficult it is, really, to judge people? They may appear to 
be one thing, while in fact they are just 1,he opposite. 

Barbara. You mean that Hera and Athene and — 

Aphrodite. My dear, I didn't mean anything. How 
strange that you should get such an idea. They're your 
friends and I wouldn't disillusion you a bit. 

Enter Poseidon, L. 

Poseidon (to Barbara). Oh, here you are. I've been 
looking for you everywhere. Didn't find you deserted, did 
I? (Crosses back of her chair.) 

Artemis. Not now, but soon. (Rises.) Good-bye, Bar- 
bara. See you later. (Moves toward C in F.) 

Aphrodite (rising). Good-bye, dear. (Kisses her.) So 
lovely to have seen you again. Don't forget me in all your 
whirl of new acquaintances. 

Poseidon. Never mind, Aph.. I won't let her. 

Aphrodite (tapping Poseidon on shoulder). So sweet 
of you, Poseidon. I know just how enthusiastically you'll 
advertise me. Give my love to dear Hera, darling Athene 
and the rest of them. Good-bye, again. I'm coming, Arte- 
mis. (Exeunt Aphrodite and Artemis, C. in F.) 

Barbara. Olympus is certainly cordial to newcomers. 

Poseidon (seating himself on hassock). Especially when 
the newcomer happens to be — you. 

Barbara (archly). Do you say that to every one? 

Poseidon. Not much, I've never wanted to say it to 
anyone except — you. I'm even going to christen my new 
yacht ''Barbara." 

Barbara. Oh, you must not do that ; for Barbara is bar- 
barian. And you're a Greek. 



26 THEN GREEK MET GREEK 

Poseidon. You'll be a Greek, too, by that time. 

Barbara. There are Greeks — and Greeks. 

Poseidon (confidentially) . You're for us, aren't you? 

Barbara. For you? I'm for everybody. 

Poseidon. Impossible. You must choose one or the 
other. 

Barbara. I'd rather choose them all. 

Poseidon. Choose us and you'll never miss the others. 
Hera, Demeter, Athene and Hestia are just your style. 

Barbara (perversely). I don't know about that. I'm 
very fond of Artemis and Aphrodite. 

Poseidon (blankly). Oh, are you? (Rises suddenly.) 
Now, Barbara, just listen to me. Don't get mixed up with 
that other bunch. They're — 

Barbara (haughtily). That will do, Mr. Poseidon. I 
can choose my friends without your help and under-rating 
the attractions of one side merely scores in their favor. 
Any plea from you is wasted energy on your part. (Rises 
and walks L. to sofa. Stands with hack to Poseidon.) 

Poseidon (aside). Rude little mass of mortality. I don't 
care which way she goes. (To Barbara.) I crave your 
forgiveness for my unintentional officiousness. (Politely.) 
How did you leave the earth? Isn't the mountain breeze 
delightful? And what are your views upon woman suf- 
frage ? 

Enter Apollo, C in F, 

Apollo (going to Barbara). Oh, here you are, all by 
yourself. (Poseidon glares.) 

Barbara. Mr. Poseidon has been making everything oh, 
so delightful. 

Apollo (turning). Hello, old man, you're so far ofif that 
I didn't notice you. (Notes the strained relations.) Good 
gracious ! The atmosphere seems to be somewhat charged. 

Poseidon. Oh, does it? Then you'd better try to scatter 
a few sunbeams, so that you may relieve the pressure. 

Apollo. Posy, Posy! Your conversation partakes of 
the deep undertones of your mighty ocean rather than the 
sparkling wavelets of friendly persiflage. 



THEN GREEK MET GREEK 27 

Poseidon (flireateningiy). Now what do you mean by 
that ? 

Barbara (coming between them). Oh, dear; don't quar- 
rel. I thought that Greeks never quarreled. 

Apollo. Quarrel? They don't know the meaning of the 
word. Posy and I are the best of friends. He's a bully 
old chap. 

Poseidon {bowing). Excessive modesty bids me now 
withdraw. 

Apollo {politely, but zvithout enthusiasm) . Oh, stay; do 
stay; please stay. 

Poseidon. The cordiality of your invitation tempts me. 
Nevertheless — I move on. {Exit C, in F.) 

Barbaba (seating herself on sofa). I'm beginning to un- 
derstand things better. Are you coming to plead the cause 
of somebody else, or — 

Apollo (sitting by her). Am I pleading my own? My 
own, most decidedly. 

Barbara. I — don't — quite — understand — that, 

Apollo. Well, aren't there any fellows on the earth ? 

Barbara. Yes ; but they're on the earth. 

Apollo. And haven't you ever had a love affair ? 

Barbara. No-o — 

Apollo (eagerly). Wouldn't you like to have one? 

Barbara. I don't quite know how to take you. 'T fear 
the Greeks" — 

Apollo. "And their bringing gifts?" But all gifts aren't 
the same. (Moves closer to her.) 

Barbara. Don't come so close. You crowd me. (Thrusts 
hand among pillows and finds the arrow.) Oh-h ! What's 
this? (Holds it up.) 

Apollo. The golden arrow of Eros. 

Barbara. He said he'd give it to me. 

Apollo. Of course he would. And you might play 
with the crescent moon of Artemis if you only wished. 
Athene's key might open enchanted lands to you. You 
might have the shield of Hera just for the asking, and 
(softly) also — the heart of Apollo. 



28 THEN GREEK MET GREEK 

Barbara (dreamily). The crescent of Artemis, the key 
of Athene, th.e shield of Hera, the arrow of Eros. 

Apollo. All waiting for your word. What shall it be? 
(He drams away the arrow, and as he does so, wounds her 
arm,) 

Barbara. Oh-h ! You Ve hurt me ! You've hurt me ! 

Apollo. Only a scratch. And 'tis healed already. Listen, 
Barbara. You must make your choice. Shall it be the 
mystic symbol of Hestia — of Demeter — of Hebe, or the 
trident of Poseidon? (Rises and moves slowly to C in F.) 

Barbara (rising). I feel very strange. It's dark and it 
frightens me. Apollo, where are you? (He comes to her.) 
Oh, it isn't the shield of Hera that I want. Nor the arrow 
of Eros. Nor the anchor of Aphrodite. Nor the crescent 
of Artemis. Nor the key of Athene. It's — it's just the 
heart of Apollo ! (Apollo leads her away. Exeunt C, in F,) 

Stage clear for a few moments. Then enter Aphrodite 
and Artemis, C, in F, 

Aphrodite (coming down C. and sinking in chair R. of 
table). Do you suppose Apollo took her off as he said he 
would? Men never keep their promises. 

Artemis. Remember, Aphrodite, that you're speaking of 
my brother. 

Aphrodite (mockingly). I know that, perfectly well. 
My statement still holds. 

Artemis (flopping into chair R. 2 E.). Don't judge all 
men by the worthless sticks who have divorced you. 

Aphrodite (angrily). How dare you mention my — 

Enter Athene, C. in F. 

Athene (sarcastically). Oh, are you here? (Pulls out 
desk chair and seats herself,) 

Aphrodite. Very much here. And I'm going to stay, 
if that's what you mean. 

Athene. Amiability is not one of your prominent char- 
acteristics, Aphrodite. 

Aphrodite. ' Butting-in is certainly one of yours. 



THEX GREEK MET GREEK 29 

Artemis (crossly). Oh, be still; both of you. rm dead 
tired and it gets on my nerves. 

Enter Hera, L, 

Hera. Artemis, get right off that chair. You know it's 
weak in the legs. (Artemis refuses to move.) Oh, dear, 
dear! Vm so hot and tired, and Tve had all that dinner to 
cook — with a worthless, idle daughter doing nothing — 
nothing J I say! {Glares at Athene.) 

Athene. Don't provoke me, or Til say something I 
shouldn't. 

Enter Hestia, L., with dish towel. 

Athene. The kitchen isn't my sphere of action. 

Hestia. Nor mine, either. I didn't wash those dishes, 
Hera. I thought it wasn't my place. {Throzvs towel on hack 
of sofa and sits on sofa.) 

Hera (fretfully). Don't throw that there, Hestia. 
(Catches up towel.) I don't see zuhy you couldn't wash the 
dishes. Goodness knows, I've done enough for you. (Takes 
hassock and carries it back to chair L. of C. in F.) Old 
maids do get so cranky ! 

Enter Demeter, L. 

Demeter (crossing to Aphrodite). Dear me, Aphro- 
dite, is that you? (Looks critically.) You're beginning to 
show your age very plainly. You ought to freshen up a bit. 
(Holds out box of breakfast food.) Now, here's breakfast 
food that — 

Aphrodite (shrieking) . Demeter, if you come any nearer 
with that thing, I'll slap your face. I always will think 
that Paris ruined his digestion by eating those little hay 
mattresses of yours. 

Hera (peevishly). Demeter, you're kicking up that rug. 
(Straightens rug.) I don't see why people must crowd in 
my house and ruin my things, and — (sinks in chair L. of 
C. in F.). 

Hestia. If you don't take oft* that hat, Demeter, I'll 
scream or do something dreadful. I know^ just how a bull 
feels when he catches sight of a red rag. 



30 THEN GREEK MET GREEK 

Demeter (angrily, as she seats herself by Hestia, push- 
ing her aside). When I choose my clothes to suit yoii, you'll 
know it, you meddlesome old maid. 

Enter Poseidon, C. in F, 

Hera. Leave that old pitchfork in the hall, Poseidon. 
YouVe tripped me twice today and — -(as he does not obey) 
do you hear me? Til kick it out if you don't do as I say. 

Poseidon (throwing pitchfork into hall). Pretty sort of 
a reward for making a simpleton of myself with that girl. 
The next time I enter into any sort of an agreement with 
you rattle-pated creatures, you'll know it. (Scornfully.) 
Barbara, indeed! (Stands R. of C. hands in pockets.) 

Enter Eros and Hebe, C. in F., shrieking. 

Eros (coming down C. to Aphrodite). Oh-oh-oh! I'm 
dying — I know I am! 

Hebe (following). Oh, such a pain! It makes me want 
to turn inside out! O\\-ohr0h! 

Eros. Help! Medicine! Anything! 

Aphrodite (calmly powdering her nose). What is it, 
Eros ? Stop that noise and tell me what has happened. 

Hera (shrilly). Look here, Aphrodite, if th.ose children 
are going to be sick I don't want them sick in my house. 

Hebe (crying). We ate — we ate — 

Athene (mockingly) . As usual. I never saw you when 
you weren't eating. 

Hera (rising). Then your hands are sticky. Don't you 
dare to put them on my furniture. (Paces up and down L.) 

Aphrodite (soothingly). Don't mind what she says, 
Eros. What did you eat, darling? 

Hebe (putting her hand over Eros' mouth). Don't you 
tell her; she'll spank! 

Eros (bending double). I've got to tell — it hurts so! 
Oh-h.! We ate the golden apple! 

Aphrodite (rising and shaking him). My golden apple? 
My apple that came from Paris ? You meddlesome, trouble- 
some, disobedient children! I hope it does make you sick! 

Enter Hermes, C, in F. 



THEN GREEK MET GREEK 31 

Aphrodite. I do! I do! 

Hermes (at door). Ours is a happy little home! 

Hera. Hermes, you have the most annoying habit of 
entering my apartment without ringing. (Pushes him into 
hall.) Be careful; don't get my carpet muddy. You've 
done enough damage today by bringing that telegram. 

Hermes {drazving telegram from pocket). Then count 
me in for a few more pages, for here's another. 

Hera (weeping). I haven't the strength to open it. li 
Zeus has sent another mortal, I'll sue for a divorce, I will — 
I will! (Sinks in chair L. of C. in F.) 

Athene (rising). Give it to me! 

Aphrodite. Why should you open it, Athene? 

Hestia (rising). You assume responsibility — 

Demeter (rising). That belongs to your elders. 

Artemis (rising and turning her back to them). There's 
no such thing as justice in this place. I'm getting pretty 
tired of it! 

Poseidon. See here. Stop your wrangling— and let me 
open it. I'm the only one who has the price, anyway. 
(Beckons Hermes to him, takes telegram and pays him.) 
There, kid — take your money and shake the dust of Olym- 
pus from your feet. (Athene comes back of Poseidon 
and peers over his shoulder.) 

Hera (rising and pushing in between Hermes and Posei- 
don). That's just like you, Poseidon — inconsiderate to the 
last. Why you should desire to cause me more work, I 
can't understand. Shake the dust, indeed ! When he's 
already scraped quantities of mud from his feet. 

Hermes (to Poseidon). Well, why don't you open it? 
I've a hunch, as to what's in it. 

Hestia (sarcastically). Of course you have. When it 
comes to reading between the lines, you're unusually pro- 
ficient. 

Hermes (calmly). That's me biz. (To Poseidon.) 
Hurry up. Light the fuse and start up the fireworks. (All 
stand in strained and expectant attitudes. Poseidon holds 
telegram so that no one can see.) 



Z2 THEN GREEK MET GREEK 

Poseidon (a^ fe r^acf^). Holy Moses! (Pause,) Great 
jumping Jehosephat! (Reads again.) For the love of 
Mike! 

Aphrodite (weeping and sinking in chair R. of table). 
How a man can be so unkind, I can't understand. Reading 
that thing and never teUing us a word when he knows that 
we're dying to know. 

Poseidon. Then Hsten, and maybe your enthusiasm will 
vanish. (Reads aloud.) ''1 have eloped with Apollo.'' 
(Pauses.) It's signed — Barbara. (Long pause— each looks 
at the other.) 

Artemis (sinking in chair R. 2 E.). Oh, Polly, Polly! 
How could you ! 

Aphrodite (powdering nose). Impudent hussy! 

Hera (sighing with relief as she retires to chair L. of C. 
inp.) I'm glad she's gone. Zeus always has had atrocious 
taste — 

Hestia. Even when he chose you. (Sits down emphat- 
ically.) 

Athene. From the moment I spoke to her I knew just 
what kind of a girl she was. (Goes down R. and sits on 
arm of Artemis' chair.) 

Eros (dancing around). My pain's all gone. I guess she 
caused it. 

Hebe (dancing around). My pain's all gone. I guess 
she caused it. (Eros and Hebe catch hands and circle 
around back of table, near C. in P.) 

Demeter (sitting and gathering up her boxes). I never 
wanted her, anyway. 

Poseidon (going to chair R. of table and leaning on 
back). Too sharp a tongue to suit me. 

Hermes (coming down R. to front of stage). Aren't you 
a bunch of knockers ? Be real sports. If you're stung, grin 
over it and don't act the baby. Instead of fightin' like cats 
and dogs and bein' jealous and spiteful, ring in a few good 
words about each other. Try the glad hand instead of the 
hammer. D'ye know what / think? A Greek who can't 
see some good in his fellow Greeks ain't much, of a Greek 



THEN GREEK MET GREEK 33 

himself. Them's my sentiments. So-long! (Turns and 
goes out C. in F.) 

(Long pause. They glance furtively at each other.) 

Artemis (rising). There's truth in what Hermes says, 
isn't there? We are knockers. We do quarrel, and we never 
look for the good in each other. I wonder if — oh, I don't 
know how to put it ; but can't we do away with all the enmi- 
ties, all the jealousies, all the disagreements? Isn't it pos- 
sible to have a spirit of friendliness, of co-operation and 
of good-fellowship? 

Athene (rising and putting arm about Artemis). Let's 
make it possible. Let's cultivate a Panhellenic spirit that 
shall be really true and helpful and ennobling. Shall we? 

(After a pause Aphrodite looks up and takes Poseidon's 
outstretched hand. Eros and Hebe perch on either side of 
Hera's chair. Demeter and Hestia look steadfastly at 
each other and clasp hands as the curtain goes down,) 

Curtain. 



By Way of the Secret Passage 

By LINDSEY BARBEE. 

Price 25 Gents 

Comedy-drama in 3 acts; 1 male, 11 females. The character 
of John Harvey can easily be assumed by a girl if it is not de- 
sirable to have a man in the cast. Time, 1% hours. Scene: 1 
interior. Characters: Mrs. Sherman, the hostess. Betty Drew, 
her niece. Ruth, Alice and Rita, guests. Hannah, a maid. 
Madame Drew, of revolutionary days. Annette, Caroline and 
Elizabeth, her daughters. Wenonah, an Indian maid. John Har- 
vey, of the Patriot army. 

SYNOPSIS. 

Act I. — Betty's engagement dance on Christmas night. The por- 
trait of Mrs. Elizabeth Drew. Betty's great-great-grandmother. 
The story of Mistress Elizabeth's romantic career. Ghosts of the 
happy pair haunt the room each Christmas night. Rita falls 
asleep in a chair and dreams a dream. 

Act II. — Scene I — The dream of long ago. John Harvey gains 
an interview with his lady love. The secret mission is made 
known to Mistress Elizabeth and the marked chart is put into 
her hands. Shots, pursuit and the secret passage. Scene II — 
Where is Elizabeth? The mysterious tapping. Elizabeth makes 
a dramatic entrance and brings astounding news. 

Act III. — Rita awakes. Betty's puzzling absence is discussed. 
Another mysterious tapping. "He's waiting for me — at the end 
of the secret passage, the same as in the long, long ago!" 

Abbu San of Old Japan 

By WALTER BEN HARE. 

Price 23 Cents 

Comedy-drama in 2 acts; 15 females. Time, about 2 hours. 
Scene: A simple interior. Characters: Abbu San, daughter of 
his majesty. Duchess Fuji-no. Lady Yu-giri, Mist of the Even- 
ing. O Matsuka San and O Kiku San, maids of honor. Ohano, 
wife of the bandit chief. Natsu-no, hostess of the inn "Million 
Welcomes." Okuku, sister of the Ox, a porter at the inn. Urni, 
Sada and Yasa, peasant maids. Henrietta Dash, an American 
newswriter. Aunt Paradise, a black mammy. Madam Masago, 
manager of the players. Ono, her maid of all work. 

An absolute novelty in play construction, bristling with inci- 
dents and sparkling with comedy. The play is presented after 
the fashion of "The Yellow Jacket," the stage hands changing 
scenery in full view of the audience and the manager explaining 
the action and introducing the different characters from her seat 
at the side. The star part is particularly suited to the tempera- 
ment of a pretty little ingenue, the characters of Fuji-no and 
Mist of the Evening call for heavy and effective dramatic work 
and old Aunt Paradise who longs for "ole Virginny" is a comedy 
creation of especial note. Dances and song numbers from Mi- 
kado are called for by the text but these may be given or not at 
the pleasure of the manager. A picturesque and very effective 
dramatic entertainment with a distinct plot that will interest and 
amuse any audience. Suitable for schools, colleges, clubs or 
churches. 

T. S. DENISON & COMPANY, Publishers 

1S4 W. Randolph Street, CHICAGO 



The Deacon Entandled 

By HARRY OSBORNE. 

Price, 25 Cents 

Comedy in 3 acts; 6 males, 4 females. Time, 2 hours. Scene: 
1 interior. Characters: Deacon Penrose, a member in good stand- 
ing. Calvin, his nephew. Rev. Sopher, a supporter of foreign mis- 
sions Harry Baxter, a sporting writer. Rafferty, a policeman. 
A Plain Clothes Man. Mrs. Penrose. Ruth, her daughter. 
Georgie, Rev. Sopher's daughter. Katy, a maid. 

SYNOPSIS. 

Act I. — In which the Deacon finds himself in a tight corner. 
Dr. Sopher, who can coax money out of a wooden Indian. A thou- 
sand dollars for the new pipe organ. Cal arrives. A clean-up- 
clouter instead of a ministerial prospect. "Did I forget my necktie 
and button my collar in the back?" The Deacon spends a night 
out. "We won't go home until morning." 

Act II. — The raid on the gambling joint. "Why didn't you 
jump when I told you." On bail. "A thousand dollars to the Doc 
or you lose your job as Deacon; a thousand to the judge or six 
months." A sporting chance. Ready for the game. A donation 
to Foreign Missions and a double barreled courtship. The elope- 
ment. The arrest. "Come on Cal, I'll see you through." 

Act III. — The big game. Tied in the Tenth. Cal goes to the 
box. A Pinch Hitter. "Over the scoreboard." On the Deacon's 
trail — the Horse pistol — pay the fine or go to jail. A hair line 
finish. "Hold on, Copper." "Here's your thousand and here's 
your girl. Look happy and have your picture taken." A new 
son-in-law. "Bother Boarding School." The Deacon smiles. 

A Trial of Hearts 

By LINDSEY BARBEE. 

Price, 25 Cents 

College comedy in 4 acts; 6 males, 18 females. Time, 2^^ hours. 
Scenes: 3 interiors, 1 exterior. Characters: Dudley Van Antwerp, 
a wealthy college man. Philip, his best friend. Roger, Teddy, 
Jack and Jerry, fraternity men. Mrs. Van Antwerp, of great im- 
portance. Honor, Dudley's wife. Fourteen lively sorority girls. A 
chaperone and a maid. 

SYNOPSIS. 

Act I. — Gretchen and Jerry play Romeo and Juliet. Ted pleads 
the cause of Kappa Psi. Jack argues for Delta Chi. Dudley intro- 
duces Honor to his mother. Virginia learns of Dudley's marriage. 
"I want to go home — oh, I want to go home!" 

Act II.— The football enthusiasts bring news of Barbara. 
Gretchen and Jerry study Datin and argue fraternity. Honor finds 
it all a little strange. Dudley tells Virginia his love story. "Oh, 
Dudley, you hurt me!" "There's nothing left for me but to go away!" 

Act III.— "I wonder if people ever get too busy to care!" 
Mrs. Van Antwerp opens fire and Honor stands her ground. "I 
mean to stay!" "I wish I had no heart— it aches so!" "Dear 
little girl, it is good-bye." Honor hears Dudley declare his love 
for Virginia. "Oh, Dad -Dad — your little girl is coming home!" 

Act IV.— Gretchen and Jerry "grow up." The Seniors toast 
the past, the present and the future. Mrs. Van Antwerp reproaches 
herself. "Here comes the bride." The Kappa Psis and the Delta 
Chi holds reunions. "Honor, is it really you?" "If you want me, 
I am here." 

T. S. DENISON & COMPANY, Publishers 

154 W. Randolph Street, CHICAGO 



The Thread of Destiny 

By LINDSEY BARBEE. 
Price, 25 Cents 

Comedy- drama of the Civil War in 3 acts; 9 males, 16 females. 
Time, 21/^ hours. Scenes: 1 interior, 2 exteriors. Characters: 
Peyton Bailey, of the U. S. army. Beverly Montgomery, a con- 
federate scout. Colonel Montgomery, a gentleman of the old school. 
Tom Randolph, a Southern gallant. John Morton, of the North. 
Ralph, who did not go to war. George and Uncle Billy, slaves. 
A Union Scout. Virginia, the toast of the country. Betty, the 
''Little Colonel." Edith, a northern cousin. Louise, a spy. Eight 
charming southern girls. Mrs. Montgomery. Miss Melissy, of in- 
quisitive nature. Fanny and Mammy, slaves. 

SYNOPSIS. 

Act I. — Betty breaks a looking glass. Edith calms her fears 
and tells her "the signs of the times." "Virginia has seceded." 
Beverly enlists. "A Virginia woman does not even recognize an 
acquaintance among the enemies of Virginia." 

Act II. — "I don' wan' no tarnished silber linin' to my cloud." 
"There are some things more precious than money, than jewels." 
"Death cannot conquer love — nor eternity." "Some day there will 
be no North, no South, but the Union." The Union scout falls a 
prey to Edith's fascinations and her cleverness wins the coveted 
dispatch. Virginia opens the door — to Peyton. Beverly is dis- 
covered. Friendship proves stronger than duty. 

Act III. — Three years work a great change. Peyton pleads in 
vain. George and Fanny "take de road to de Ian' of happiness." 
"In our little circle the stars and bars are floating high." Virginia 
gives Peyton another rose and together they trace against the 
background of blue and gray "the golden thread of destiny." 



Shadows 



By MARY MONCURE PARKER. 
Price, 15 Cents 

Play of the South today and a dream of the past in 1 act; 
an interior scene; 3 males, 4 females. Time, 35 minutes. Charac- 
ters: Prologue and the Awakening: Robert Ashton, Virginia's 
sweetheart. Aunt Geranium, an old colored mammy. Virginia Lee, 
a southern maid. The Dream: Gordon Sanford, a soldier in love 
with Alice. Harold Hale, the successful rival. Mrs. Horace 
Fairfax, a stern mother of long ago. Alice Fairfax, her dutiful 
daughter. STORY OF THE PLAY. 

Virginia Lee's mother insists upon her marriage with a rich 
suitor, who has agreed to restore their impoverished estate. Vir- 
ginia has a sweetheart of her childhood days and hesitates in 
making a choice, but finally decides upon wealth instead of love. 
An old colored mammy, who has spent her life in the Lee house- 
hold, understands the situation and tells Virginia of a similar 
episode in the life of Virginia's grandmother. Virginia in ponder- 
ing over the incident and grieving over her own troubles, falls 
asleep. She dreams of the story just told and the dream folks 
appear and play their parts. Virginia awakens, the shadows flee 
and she conies to her senses and her lover. 

The old colored mammy says: "Dis heah ole worl's jes' full 
of shadders. Fokes comes an' dey goes, ripens and drops like the 
fruit on de tree. Ole Mars is gone, old Mistis gone. De substance 
melts and fades away. Ain't nothing left but shadders." 

T. S. DENISON & COMPANY, Publishers 

154 W. Randolph Street, CHICAGO 



DENISON'S ACTING PLAYS 

Price 15 Cents Each, Postpaid, Unless Different Price Is Given 



Winning Widow, 2 acts, 1^ hrs. 

(25c) 2 4 

Women Who 'Did,* V hr ! ! ! (25c) 1 7 

Yankee Detective, 3 acts, 2 hrs. 8 3 

FARCES, COMEDIETAS, Etc. 

All on a Summer's Day, 40 min. 4 6 

April Fools, 30 min 3 

Assessor, The, 10 min 3 2 

Baby Show at Pineville, 20 min. 19 

Billy's Chorus Girl, 25 min... 2 3 

Billy's Mishap, 20 min 2 3 

Borrowed Luncheon, 20 min.. 5 

Borrowing Trouble, 20 min 3 5 

Case Against Casey, 40 min...23 

Country Justice, 15 min 8 

Cow that Kicked Chicago, 20 m. 3 2 

Divided Attentions, 35 min 1 4 

Dude in a Cyclone, 20 min.... 4 2 

Familv Strike, 20 min - 3 3 

First-Class Hotel, 20 min 4 

For Love and Honor, -20 min.. 2 1 

Fudge and a Burglar, 15 min.. 5 

Fun in Pbpto G-^lIery, 30 min.. ,6 10 

Great Medical Dispensary, 30 m, 6 
Great Pumpkin Case, 30 min.. 12 

ITans Von Smash, 30 min.... 4 3 

I'm Not Mesilf at All, 25 min. 3 2 

Initiatmg a Gran8:er, 25 min.. 8 

Irish Linen Peddler, 40 min... 3 3 

Is the Editor In? 20 min... 4 2 

Kansas Immigrants, 20 min... 5 1 

Men Not Wanted, 30 min 8 

Mike Donovan's Courtship, 15 m. 1 3 

Mother Goose's Goslings, 30 m. 7 9 

Mrs. Jenkins' Brilliant Idea, 35m. 8 

Mrs. Stubbins' Book Agent, 30 m. 3 2 

My Wife's Relations, 1 hr. . . . 4 6 

Not a Man in the House, 40 m. 5 

Pair of Lunatics, 20 min 1 1 

Patsy O'Wang, 35 min 4 3 

Pat, the Apothecary, 35 min.. 6 2 

Persecuted Dutchman, 30 min. 6 3 

Regular Fix, 35 min 6 4 

Second Childhood, 15 min.... 2 2 

Shadows, 35 min 2 2 

Sing a Song of Seniors, 30 min. 7 

Taking Father's Place, 30 min. 5 3 

Taming a Tiger, 30 min 3 

That Rascal Pat, 30 min 3 2 

Those Red Envelopes, 25 min. 4 4 
Too Much of a Good Thing, 45 

min -3 6 

Turn Him Out, 35 min 3 2 

Two Aunts and a Photo, 20 m. 4 

Two Gentlemen in a Fix, 15 m. 2 

Two Ghosts in White, 20 min. . 8 

Two of a Kind, 40 min 2 3 

Uncle Dick's Mistake, 20 min.. 3 2 

J^^ 'ted a Correspondent, 45 m. 4 4 

f -da Hero, 20 min 1 1 



M. F. 

Wide Enough for Two, 45 min. 5 2 

Wrong Baby, 25 min 8 

Yankee Peddler, 1 hr 7 3 

VAUDEVILLE SKETCHES, MON- 
OLOGUES, ETHIOPIA!^ PLAYS. 

Ax'in' Her Father, 25 min 2 3 

Booster Club of Blackville, 25 m.lO 
Breakfast Food for Two, 20 m. 1 1 

Cold Finish, 15 min 2 1 

Colored Honeymoon, 25 min... 2 2 
Coon Creek Courtship, 15 min. 1 1 
Coming Champion, 20 min.... 2 
Coontown Thirteen Club, 25 m.l4 

Counterfeit Bills, 20 min 1 1 

Darktown Fire Brigade, 25 min. 10 
Doings of a Dude, 20 min.... 2 1 

Dutch Cocktail, 20 min 2 

For Reform, 20 min 4 

Fresh Timothy Hay, 20 min . . 2 1 
Glickman, the Glazier, 25 min. 1 1 
Good Mornin' Judge, 35 min.. 9 2 

Her Hero, 20 min. 1 1 

Hey, Rube! 15 min 1 

Home Run, 15 min 1 1 

Jumbo Jum, 30 min 4 3 

Little Red School House, 20 m. 4 

Love and Lather, 3'5 min 3 2 

Marriage and After, 10 min.. 1 

Memohis Mose, 25 min 5 1 

Mischievous Nigger, 25 min.. 4 2 

Mistaken Miss, 20 min 1 1 

Mr. and Mrs. Fido, 20 min 1 1 

Ob, Doctor! 30 min 6 2 

One Sweetheart for Two, 20 m. 2 
Oshkosh Next Week, 20 min.. 4 

Oyster Stew, 10 min.... 2 

Pete Yansen's Curl's Moder, 10m. 1 

Pickles for Two, 15 min 2 

Pooh Bah of Peacetown, 35 min. 2 2 
Prof. Black's Funnygraph, 15 m. 6 

Sham Doctor, 10 min 4 2 

Si and I, 15 min 1 

Special Sale, 15 min.' 2 

Stage Struck Darky, 10 min.. 2 1 
Sunny Son of Italy, 15 min.. 1 

Time Table, 20 min 1 1 

Tramp and the Actresfs, 20 min. 1 1 
Troubled by Ghosts, 10 min... 4 
Troubles of Rozinski, 15 min.. 1 
Two Jay Detectives, 15 min.. 3 
Umbrella Mender, 15 min..., 3 

Uncle Jeff, 25 min 5 2 

What Happened to Hannah, 15m. 1 1 



A great number of 

Standard and Amateur Plays 

not found here are listed In 

Denlson's Catalogue 



€NISON&COMPANY,PublishersJ54W.RandolphSt., Chicago 



ii 



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A Partial Lict 

DIALOGUES 

All Sorts of Dialogues. 

Selected, , fine for older pupils. 
Catchy Gomic Dialogues. 

Very clever; for young people. 
Children's Comic Dialogues. 

From six to eleven years of age. 
Country School Dialogues. 

Brand new, original 
Dialogues for District Schools. 

For country schools. 
Dialogues from Dickens. 

Thirteen selections. 
The Friday Afternoon Dialogues. 

Over 50,000 copies sold. 
From Tots to Teens. 

Dialogues and recitations. 
Humorous Homespun Dialogues. 

For older ones. 
Little People's Plays. 

From 7 to 13 years of age. 
Lively Dialogues. 

For all ages; mostly humorous. 
Merry Little Dialogues. 

Thirty-eight original selections. 
When the Lessons are Over. 

Dialogues, drills, .plays. 
Wide Awake Dialogues. 

Original successful. 

SPEAKERS, MONOLOGUES 

Choice Pieces for Little People. 

A child's speaker. 
The Comic Entertainer. 

Recitations, monologues, dialogues. 
Dialect Readings. 

Irish, Dutch, Negro, Scotch, etc. 
The Favorite Speaker. 

Choice prose and poetry. 
The Friday Afternoon Speaker. 

For pupils of all ages. 
Humorous Monologues. 

Particularly for ladies. 
Monologues for Young Folks. 

Clever, humorous, original. 




Mono 
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Scrap^'^ ^_^__ 

Choice collections, pathetic, hu- 
morous, descriptive, prose, 
poetry. 15 Nos.,' per No. 25c 

DRILLS 

The Best Drill Book. 

Very popular drills and marches. 
The Favorite Book of Drills. 

Drills that sparkle with originality. 
Little Plays With Drills. 

For children frorn 6 to 11 years. 
The Surprise Drill Book. 

Fresh, novel, drills and marches. 

SPECIALTIES 

The Boys' Entertainer. 

Monologues, dialogues, drills. 
Children's Party Book. 

Invitations, decorations, games. 
The Days We Celebrate. 

Entertainments for all the holidays. 
Good Things for Christmas. 

Recitations, dialogues, drills. 
Good Things for Sunday Schools. 

Dialogues, exercises, recitations. 
Good Things for Thanksgiving. 

A gem of a book. 
Good Things for Washington 

and Lincoln Birthdays. 
Little Folks' Budget. 

Easy pieces to speak, songs. 
One Hundred Entertainments. 

New parlor diversions, socials. 
Patriotic Celebrations. 

Great variety of material. 
Pict^ired Readings and Tableaux. 

Entirely original features. ., 
Pranks and Pastimes. 

Parlor games for children. 
Private Theatricals. 

How to put on plays. 
Shadow Pictures, Pantomimes, 

Charades, and how to prepare. 
Tableaux and Scenic Readings. 

New and novel; for all ages. 
Twinkling Fingers and Sway- 
ing Figures. For- little tots. 
Yuletide Entertainments. 

A choice Christmas collection. 

MINSTRELS, JOKES 

Black American Joker. 

Minstrels' and end men's gags. 
A Bundle of Burnt Cork Comedy. 

Monologues, stump speeches, etc. 
Laughland,via the Ha-Ha Route. 

A merry trip for fun tourists. 
Negro Minstrels. 

All about the business. 
The New Jolly Jester. 

Funny stories, joke's, gags.^^GO 

Large Illustrated Catalogv 



T.S.DENISON & COMPANY, Publishers,154W. Randolph S^ 



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